Decade after decade, sales training programs have taught to sell first and build relationships later. This approach is the same as seeing a stranger on the street whom you find attractive and asking him or her to marry you—without so much as asking to meet for coffee first. It is not beyond reason to expect that if you meet enough strangers, you might find a person who is lonely or curious enough to say yes to you. Time and time again, though, you will be told “No!.” According to Rare Consulting, “86 percent of consumers say loyalty is primarily driven by likability and 83 percent of consumers say trust.”

What is the best way to get to know your audience?

In the marketing world, the way to build trust is first to get to know and like your audience. During the ‘Know’ stage, the relationship needs to start slowly. To meet them first requires knowing the profile of your ideal audience. I said ideal audience and not target audience for a specific reason. The definition of a target is “a person, object, or place selected as the aim of an attack.” The use of this term in marketing circles gained popularity with a certain approach to sales based on warfare tactics. Personally, I do not find warfare tactics satisfying, comfortable, or relaxing. I refer to our audience as ideal because they are. We know the problems our ideal audience wants solved—and we have the products and services to solve them. Those people in our ideal audience zone are in alignment with us, and vice versa.

The Best Ways to maximize the "Like" Stage

We move into the Like stage when both parties want to continue engaging with each other. Experience this stage as an opportunity of discovery to engage with your audience from a sales perspective. This means creating valuable content in a variety of ways to serve your audience. Valuable content solves the problems of your audience in an emotionally and mentally satisfying way. When your content reaches that level, your prospects will want to engage with you by commenting and responding. The most important action to take during this stage is acknowledgment of their engagement. Acknowledgment is defined as “the act of recognizing the existence of someone or something” and is a powerful recognition of the whole person. This act is important because in our fast-paced, no-time-to-think world, most people feel unappreciated, taken for granted, and unseen. Despite being more connected than ever through social media, a recent survey of more than two thousand American adults found 72 percent report having felt a sense of loneliness, with nearly one-third (31 percent) experiencing loneliness at least once a week. Those of us in sales can fulfill this need for connection—whether meeting in person or choosing to build an audience through social media.

How does acknowledgment increase connection?

The everyday practice of acknowledging people who engage with us as an important element in creating trust during the sales process is reinforced by the Harvard Business Review, which conducted a series of studies on the topic. The research proves acknowledging the emotions of others can foster trust. The act of verbally recognizing people’s feelings is perceived as an effortful act and can help form deeper connections with them. But when acknowledgment is seen as being motivated by selfish reasons—with an ulterior motive—it is not as effective. That is why it is so important that you do not start asking for a purchase at this stage. Not enough trust has been built yet.

How do we become trustworthy to our prospects?

During this stage, we want to demonstrate we can be trustworthy and to determine if our prospects are also trustworthy. The following are some ways both parties can demonstrate their trustworthiness according to psychologists:

Honor and keep your own commitments and agreements;
Clearly communicate requests when making agreements;
Have realistic expectations instead of greedy desires;
Have the courage to say no when something is not in alignment;
Maintain your strong boundaries while showing empathy to the other person;
Tell the truth about your actions and feelings;
Be positive, calm, and confident;
Listen carefully to the other person and respond promptly and appropriately with respect and consideration;
Offer support and ideas rather than self-promotions and product advertisements;
Provide multiple channels of communication for ease of access (phone number, email, social media sites, etc.).

Remember this adage: nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. During the Like stage, it is essential to consistently demonstrate how much we genuinely care for the other person.

How to know when your prospects trust you

We arrive at the Trust stage through being consistently reliable in practicing the activities suggested during the Like stage. As the salesperson, you have a right to expect your prospective customers to practice these trust-building activities too. As Albert Einstein said, “Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” Building trust requires both parties be able to live within the same comfort zone circumference—satisfyingly in alignment—with neither one being bent out of shape to be in a relationship with the other.

The 5 factors that build trust faster

Consistency Both parties do what they say they will do consistently and dependably.
An exchange of value Both parties provide the value expected— or more value than expected—to the relationship.
Mutual benefit The relationship is equally beneficial to both parties.
Truthfulness Both parties are honest and authentic with each other.
Acknowledgment Both parties recognize each other’s accomplishments and emotions.

Trust is built through the presence of these five factors in a relationship: consistency, an exchange of value, mutual benefit, truthfulness, and acknowledgment. The everyday practice of acknowledging people who engage with us as an important element in creating trust during the sales process is reinforced by the Harvard Business Review, which conducted a series of studies on the topic. The research proves acknowledging the emotions of others can foster trust. The act of verbally recognizing people’s feelings is perceived as an effortful act and can help form deeper connections with them. But, when acknowledgment is seen as being motivated by selfish reasons—with an ulterior motive—it is not as effective.

The 3 questions that lead to a YES

Jim Britt, success coach and best-selling author, has become successful by doing just this. He starts every conversation with “How are you?” and then listens intently for what he can do to help. And he keeps asking his prospects questions to determine the following:

Do they have a pain or problem?
Do they want to solve the pain or problem?
Can he help solve the pain or problem for them?

If you engaged well, you are now ready to offer your products and services. At this point your prospects are likely to say ‘YES!’ to you because they trust you. They feel you have their best interests at heart and believe in what you believe in. Most people in sales don’t ever get to experience this moment because they started selling (also called pitching) as the first step, hoping to get the person to respond and lastly hoping to eventually build a long-term relationship with the prospect. Doing sales this way is what gets good people labeled as pushy and spammy. If you sincerely feel the product or services you are selling will solve their problems, they believe it will too. Now it’s time to ask for the sale—and not before this moment!